"Gold Digger"

Rob · #1 3 October 2011, 17:34

By member Bardawulf

About "Gold Digger"

Some people might already know the term "gold digger". A gold digger is a person, who is only interested in how he/she can profit from other people. Such person does anything to get as much as possible from the other one - repeatedly, constantly. This ends as soon as the other one realizes this, or when the gold digger finds someone better (easier to trick, more 'generous', wealthier, etc). Then they move over to the next one, as soon as possible. But only, if necessary. Otherwise, such a person would keep multiple people in order to profit from them parallely.
While such people might only be seen as “liars” or “users” in general, according to online-dating, this behavior is definately criminal (defraud!), because these gold digger do and say everything just to make the other one trust and believe in them, and then ask them for expensive stuff or even try to make them give or send money, pay their debts/bills, and more.

In terms of (British) laws:

The meaning of deception - by the 1968 Act, 2. 15 (4)
"For purposes of this section 'deception' means any deception (whether deliberate or reckless) by words or conduct as to fact or as to law, including a deception as to the present intentions of the person using the deception or any other person."

Obtaining property by deception - by the 1968 Act, 2. 15 (1)
" (1) A person who by any deception dishonestly obtains property belonging to another, with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it, shall on conviction on indictment be liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding ten years."

The following description is a summary of information about this type of scammer's typical behavior and the experiences, which I (sadly) had to make on my own. It doesn't say much about the (basic) motives about why a scammer is and even likes to be a scammer. According to this, there is a good step-by-step summary on this site: http://www.fraudaid.com/backstage/wh...ts_scam-01.htm

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(In my eyes) so-called "gold diggers", sometimes also called "scam diggers" can more easily become really dangerous than those "419 scammers". Because those 'diggers' are real persons. That means they don't fake an ID (personality) on the internet and use real pictures of themselves. For that reason, they have much more to lose, in case their deceptive intentions and behavior should be noticed. That's why they do not 'work' straight-forward and hasty, as their 419-fake fellows.
They are constantly trying to socialize with as much people as possible, the more useful a contact the better, in order to best control their surroundings. If then the worst case should happen - one would find out the truth and might try to tell other about it - the gold digger would only have to tell negative things about that one to make all other people believe this. Because such a nice and attractive person, helpful friend, caring parent (or else) would surely never be like some stranger would accuse.

For this reason, these scammers are also more carefully and try to make their victims to want to help them, but usually would never directly ask for money or other things. They try to find out as much as possible in order to have certain 'good' reasons for ending a closer contact (supposed-to-be relationship, etc.) - most preferably by convincing their victims that it is their own fault that it did not work well.
They use a combination of online sites (dating sites, community networks), instant messengers (MSN, Skype, Yahoo, ICQ, etc.) and email addresses to get into contact with men and women and, step by step, deceive them. Like many other scammer, they invest much time and chatting in reaching their target(s), as soon as they get the intention that one is a suitable victim.

(1.) At the beginning, they use the online sites to contact or get contacted by possible victims. They try to get to know their victims in order to figure out, which personality these people have. Preferably they choose those, who state to be single and searching for their 'perfect match' for a longer time already (the more desperate they seem to be, the better). At this time, it is nearly impossible to detect/realize that these people are "gold digger", because they just chat like people with honest intentions - talking about their life, likes and dislikes, family and friends, job, asking questions about their victim's life, showing interest (or rather try their best to make their chat partners believe that they are interested in them) and appreciate/agree with them in most cases to fake sympathy. They don't mention much about financial cases (yet), only and sporadically that which seems to be trivial: Shopping, paying monthly bills, etc. The only cases, in which they will never agree relate to "trusting other people" and "saving money".
>> If the scammer get the intention that their target is not likely to trust, because of some bad experiences, they try to convince that there is no reason to mistrust or even say that it is not fair to mistrust someone new (them!), because they are not the same people with who their victim had made his/her negative experience with (no matter if this person was just in a bad relationship before or has already been a victim of deception). Often underlining their 'point of view' by telling their victim that they have had various (much worse) negative experiences in the past, but anyway just moved on and now wouldn't mind anymore, at all.
>> A person, who states or is considered to be saving, is not a good victim for a "gold digger", because they are unlikely to spend much money on expensive little stuff (luxury things), but rather save their money to being able to afford bigger things (like a car, an own house, etc) or to have a little reserve for hard times. Such a person won't be likely to buy various expensive things for the gold digger. So, the gold digger tries to convince his/her victim that it makes no sense to save money, if that would mean that one wouldn't be able to enjoy the "finer things" in life. Stating that one would be happier, if he/she would, at times, do something good for him-/herself or other. Pointing at that always something bad can happen, but - no matter how much money is saved - in the end won't be prepared, anyway (or similar argumentation).

Also - and this is something, which appears to happen often and can be a hint at a scammer - they very soon mention that they have had a bad relationship or got to know someone unkind before (no matter if true or not), describe how they were mistreated and try to make their victim feel sorry for and sympathize with them - mostly in order to manipulate their victims’ behavior towards them.

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Example: If they get the intention that their target isn't 'generous' enough, they simply say that their ex was stingy and egoistic and mention some 'examples' about situations, which they would've been in with their ex (or previous date). These situations are usually chosen systematically. They choose such or similar situations, of which they plan to push their victim into, as well.
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The way they talk about their financial issues is the same. They say that they don't earn much, might be in debt or have/had to borrow money from time to time when they are short on, but nevertheless say that they don't mind much and get along, anyway. But also, regularly, mention certain situations, in which they suddenly/additionally had to pay money for stuff, which they didn't expect to happen - what still is something that non-scammer might also do. As I already mentioned: At that point in time, it is hardly impossible to identify the scammer.

Additionally, they sometimes ask their victim, if he/she had ever been over there (where the gold digger lives), tell their victim that he/she should really visit their place/city/country, once a time or state similar stuff. By doing so, they want to find out, if the person is generally willing to come over and it is a kind of introduction to a later invitation.

If the scammer finally get the intention that their victim fits most of the following points, then they'll take the next step:

is interested in him/her
likely to believe and trust him/her
quite easy to manipulate
able and willing to spend money on him/her
able and willing to visit him/her

(If not, they reduce their contact to that person to a minimum - only replying to what the person wrote them, writing short answers, not mentioning new topics, let more time pass until they respond, etc. - until that person loses his/her interest. They usually wouldn't just stop writing (all of a sudden), because that would make them appear suspicious.)

(2.) If a possible victim appears to be 'worth' of being scammed, then the 'gold digger' keep constantly mentioning and asking for leaving the site. Not really leaving, but rather moving over to use instant messengers (and sometimes also email) to chat with each other. They say that it would be easier/nicer/better to chat live, that there is also a possibility to talk and see each other via cam and microphone, etc. By doing so, they want to reach closeness, want to make their victims develope feelings for them and longing for being with them. Posing/writhing in front of the cam, sending photos of them, especially ones in provocative poses - bikini photos, underwear, maybe even partially/totally naked ones. And soon they ask/offer/invite their victim to come and visit them. Because they would like to meet him/her really much, for sure.
In many cases, the victim has already begun to fall for them, before he/she had decided to switch over from chatting on the site to use the messengers instead. All that they now have to do, is making him/her feel long so much for being with them that he/she finally assents and plans to visit them.

As soon as they are sure that their victim is willing to visit them - maybe even sooner - they start asking for (mostly expensive) stuff to bring along - as 'gifts' - or even to send them. And they'll ask or mention this over and over again, no matter for what, even common stuff, which they don't want to buy on their own. Or they want to make their victim offer to buy them something by bringing up that they would like to do or have something very much, but can't afford at the moment and for that reason will have to wait - anxiously wait - until they can.

--- Mind this! ---

They wouldn't ever start doing that, as long as they are still on the dating/community site, because these have features, which enable to 'report' any single message. So, if someone finds this mentioning/asking for stuff to send them or 'gifts' to be brought along suspicious and would report the message, the gold digger would soon have serious problems. Other scammer wouldn't mind much. In case their profile is deleted, they just create a new one and start over again. Because they use faked IDs. But a 'gold digger' doesn't. A gold digger uses his/her real personal data and for that reason can be localized, arrested and taken to court. And this is the reason, why 'gold digger' can indeed become much more dangerous than other scammer. So, if you had a proof, a good and reliable proof, which unmasks such a person as a scammer;

Never dare confronting them personally (no matter if man or woman!),
especially not when you're totally on your own!!!

Otherwise, that might have been your definately last date. No exaggerations included.

(3.) When the victim is finally over there (where the scammer lives), it depends on how he/she behaves. According to this behavior, the 'gold digger' will let their 'relationship' develope into a certain direction. As far as I got to know, there are 3 different types of developements - or... let's say "post-visit victims":

the love

the 'good' friend

the stingy, selfish liar

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1. To become "the love" of such a person is quite easy:
>> A. You just have to be wealthy enough to fit the digger's needs and must be easy to manipulate (willing to pay for no matter what). Then your scammer/digger will be very nice and lovely and - in case you don't commit the 'tragic' mistake "B", you'll leave as the 'lucky' love (one of many) and will stay that way, at least, until your next visit (then it’ll start over, once again).

>> B. You 'should not' - under no circumstances - get too serious and let your 'dear' know that you would try to pull every string to be able to move over (constantly) and stay with him/her. Because then, they will pull the emergency brake and start over searching for the littlest negative thing about you, turn simple habits (not necessarily bad habits) into something gross, unkind or whatever. And then they claim this would be the reason, why they are not interested in a close relationship (anymore). But that they still liked you and wanted to stay...

2. "good friends". And if you believe and have no further thoughts about it, then you will leave as a "good friend" instead. Someone, who they will still be chatting with and also keep on asking for stuff, which they want/need to get. Because (as they assert) it would be cheaper to buy where you live. Or he/she needs to have something at once, but can't afford, yet, but will give you back the money later, etc.

3. A "stingy, selfish liar" (or called much worse), is what you become, if the behavior of your scammer becomes suspicous to you at a certain point in 1. or 2. and you start asking questions. In case he or she isn't able to give an excuse (they are very talented in doing that), which is believable enough, and you realize that his/her 'kindness' and attention for you has always been equivalent to the amount of money you are willing to spend on him/her, then it is over! In case you have met some of his/her friends and/or relatives before, he/she will go and tell them all the 'nicest' things about you in order prevent that they would talk to you (again) and might get to know your point of view...
In the end you leave with the knowledge that you were lied to, your feelings used and thrown away, as well as your money. And no one of the other people, who you had met thanks to him/her (and really might have been nice and honest), won't have any good opinion about you - also "thanks" to him/her.

But in this (3.) case... you know the truth!
And for that reason, you will be much luckier, after all, even though it won't feel like that. It might be most hurtful, but at least, this person won't ever again dare mentioning, asking, or however try to make you pay anything for him/her.

But always keep in mind:

No matter how hurtful it might be to think about it and confront yourself with this, again.
If you know about that you have been scammed and know about possiblities to warn other about this person (maybe even can prove), but instead just choose to move on and simply try to leave it behind as a bad and hurtful experience in order to forget it as soon as possible, then you will enable your scammer/gold digger to go on with this and lie, fake, manipulate, use and deceive many other people - just like you.

Now you might think: "Why should I bother about that which might happen to another?"
The answer is simple: Because the scammers won't.

Would you - after all that had happened to you - want to become like them?

I did not want to. And whenever I am about to become desperate - despairing of all the ignorance and ease, with which my attempts to show the truth have been shot down -, then I ask myself this question again, and try another time.

Scammer like that will never stop by themselves.
They have to be stopped.

Help might still be rare, even though this or other kinds of scam happen much too often – every day. But, nevertheless, You are not alone with this! So, don’t hide, but stand up and tall for it and do something about it!
It is them, who have to feel ashamed and should hide...