Is my friend being scammed???

[ridge]

My wife and I have a good female friend who is desperate to find a partner and has joined many internet dating sites. She has struck up a friendship with a man we believe is called "Jose Carlos" from Lisbon, Portugal. Details are sketchy as she has not divulged too much, except that they have wonderful conversations, are conversing late into the night by email (and I believe by phone) and she thinks he is the man for her.

Now he has invited her to Lisbon for four nights and she is leaving next wednesday. Apparently he has a senior position in a large company, has a large house just outside Lisbon and a country house on the Portugal / Spain border. He is involved in import/export business between Morocco and Malaysia / Thailand. Thought all this seems a bit vague!

He will collect her from the airport and they will go straight to his house!

Everything about this is screaming "dating scam" but wed can't figure out what the scam is as he has not asked her for any money. She (46 years old) is convinced its the real thing. She is a strong, very determined person, does not have his home address or any landline numbers. She is going to travel.

Has anyone come across this type of thing or had similar invitations or is this known by anyone on your forums? I would be grateful for any help or advice, including how to stop her going or at least making sure we have numbers / addresses etc. Thank you.

[Nyla]

Well, really, there's no way of knowing much of anything from the details you gave. In fact, nothing about it screams "scam" to me except for the fact that they've (to this point) only met online. Lisbon isn't exactly a particularly dangerous place for foreign travelers. It doesn't hold the same kidnapping risk as, say, going to Nigeria or Venezuela would. Unless there's something you're not mentioning, like maybe his only being willing to send one picture (that could have been taken from someone else's website) or maybe a huge age difference or emails that seem to be following a script or a rush to "fall in love" after only a few emails, none of that sets off any love scam alarm bells. Another red flag would be asking her to bring a lot of cash with her.

It's more a possible safety issue than a 419 scam issue, if you ask me. Now, if he were asking her for money so he could travel to see her (fees for travel documents, airfare, etc.), or saying she needed to pay him for a travel visa or similar before she arrives, I would say it sounds like a scam. But, he's not asking for anything of a monetary nature, apparently.

Now, I WOULD be concerned about the fact that she's going to be traveling to another country and more or less at the mercy of the person picking her up and taking her to his house. Even if you're meeting someone locally that you've been introduced to on a dating site, safety experts suggest meeting at a public place and arranging your OWN transportation for at least the first few meetings. If she's dead set on going, I really would suggest to her that she maybe meet him at the airport, but rent her own car, and confine get-togethers to public places like restaurants for at least the first trip, and stay at a hotel. At least that would give her enough time to see if something doesn't feel right about this guy. Preferably, she would not travel to see this guy alone, either, but at least don't go rushing to be alone with him.

I mean, statistically, it's unlikely she's going to meet a kidnapper, rapist or murderer, but see if she will at least take some sensible precautions. Getting his phone number and/or address and checking them out using http://www.numberingplans.com/?page=analysis&sub=phonenr and maybe Google Maps (just to see if his address even exists or if it's in what is definitely NOT a residential area, for example) might also help set your mind at ease or give you some ammunition to convince her to be more careful.

[Bekamphol]

I am from Thailand, and I own an import & export business. Here are my comments:

A Portugese doing business between Morrocco and Malaysia / Thailand does seems a bit strange (non uses the same language, exception of English). What kind of products does he do? If you can get this would be useful, I can check if I know the products. If he does business between Thailand and another company, what is that Thai company's name? I can check with that company.

Glad to help, but like Nyla mentioned, the information is little.

[ridge]

Many thanks to both of you. Truth is other than what I've said we know nothing else. I agree Lisbon is a safe city but he is reluctant to come to visit her, and if he travels so much it's not that difficult to return via London for example? We've also said she should get her own hotel room and first meet in a restaurant, but she is determined to go and stay at his place.

My wife will see her tomorrow (Sunday) and if she gets any more info I'll post it here.

In a way it's nothing to do with us, she is old enough to know what she is doing but nonetheless we feel concerned and don't want her to come to any harm. My feeling is she will arrive, and on turning on her phone will get a "stuck in Morocco, please send some cash" and that's when the scam will start. That or it really is true love and we'll look very foolish as they walk up the aisle together!!! I'll let you know either way.

[Nyla]

My feeling is she will arrive, and on turning on her phone will get a "stuck in Morocco, please send some cash" and that's when the scam will start.

It's definitely possible, but the "help, I've been mugged while traveling, I'm stuck, send money" or the "I'm in the hospital away from home and need money for treatment" scams don't usually include getting the victim to travel for a face to face meeting first.

But then, some of the scammers and their scams get amazingly elaborate and involve face to face interaction, like the "blackened money" scams and the travel may be more of a test to see how deeply she's buying into his story and the relationship. It also seems a very remote possibility that he's getting her to actually travel so he can send out a text, Facebook or email message from HER account claiming to be her, having trouble on the trip and in need of emergency money. That's usually just a straight password grab and account takeover.

I suppose all you can do is try to make sure she's forearmed and forewarned that a "help, I"m stuck and need money" message is a sure sign she's being scammed and make it plain that you care for her and you're there for her as a friend if she arrives and anything feels off or she's unsure if something is a red flag. Beyond that, as you said, she's an adult and will have to be responsible for her own choices.

[ridge]

Well, our friend has returned safely and had a fantastic time. In fact we learnt that he had offered to pay the airfare, or at the very least go half. Definitely not signs of a scammer. Thanks anyway for the advice and all strength to your organization.:)

[Nyla]

Well, our friend has returned safely and had a fantastic time.

Good to hear that everything turned out well, apparently.